AJ Lee

[MissApril]

 

APRIL MENDEZ BROOKS ON HER CANDID NEW BOOK AND HER DAYS AS WWE’S AJ LEE

 

The former wrestler discusses Crazy is My Superpower and opening up about her life story.

 

BY ERIC GOLDMAN

 

Like many past and present members of the WWE locker room, April “AJ” Mendez Brooks grew up loving wrestling and dreaming of becoming a WWE superstar herself. But for AJ, the possibility of achieving stardom in that world seemed especially unlikely, given her diminutive stature, and that in the post-“Attitude”, pre-“Divas revolution” era, the WWE’s female wrestlers were being given very little storyline time, with only a handful of deviations to the types of women on the roster.

 

However, not only did Mendez Brooks make it into the WWE, she became a breakout star under her WWE name, AJ Lee – in the process becoming the first woman to both have merchandise made for her or to be put on a WWE Pay-Per-View poster in several years, thank to her popularity. Along the way, she became a three time Divas champion, was included in prominent storylines with the likes of Daniel Bryan, Kane, Dolph Ziggler, and her future real life husband, CM Punk, and was named WWE RAW General Manager, among many other milestones.

 

While she retired as a wrestler in 2015, AJ has now told her life story in her new book, Crazy is My Superpower, which is out now. The book is not a tell-all about what goes on backstage at the WWE (though there are some interesting tidbits in that realm), but rather an immersive, funny and candid autobiography about AJ’s path from a young girl growing up with a family barely making ends meet – and sometimes failing to making ends meet and being evicted as a result – to eventually finding fame in what was seen as such an unlikely career. AJ is also very open about the challenges she overcame, as she discusses the slow discovery that she is bipolar and how it affected her along the way, especially before she knew what was causing her to act in the erratic manner she did at times… and how, as the title of the book suggests, she came to see the benefits and positive side of it all.

 

I spoke to AJ about her book, what made her decide to write it – and be so truthful in it – some of her favorite memories from her wrestling days and much more.

 

IGN: You mention in the book that you started thinking about writing this while you were still with WWE. As the book shows, a lot has happened in your life, but was there a specific point where you thought, “I want to document this. There’s a story to tell here"?

 

AJ: I said this kind of in passing, but it was sort of always a lifelong goal. It was a joke between me and my sister anytime something harrowing or traumatic would happen. We would just say “It’s fodder for the tell all. Put it in the book!” That was our coping mechanism to think that one day some good will come out of it. Then it just over time became this kind of promise we had between us that one of us would get our story out there. I guess I was just the first one to do it. She’s a writer and working on a bunch of stuff right now. It was always something I wanted to do and it felt appropriate to end one chapter and start another by basically purging all this stuff from my head and from my heart and letting it go out into the world so it wasn’t my secret anymore.

 

IGN: You chose to really do it yourself and not use a ghostwriter. Were there people advising you to partner up with someone?

 

AJ: I think I underestimated my ability. I was willing to get it done, however I could get my story out there. I was in the process of possibly getting a book done while I was still with WWE and they were willing to help. The process did include having a ghostwriter and I was okay with that. As I realized I would be leaving, I needed to see how good I could do it and try to believe in myself a little bit more. And Crown Publishing was amazing and said to give them some writing samples and we’d see and go from there. They happened to like my ridiculous voice and trusted me. They definitely held my hands for some of the hard parts but it was mostly just me sitting, crying into my hair for months at a computer.

 

IGN: Are you someone who finds yourself easily accessing your memories and remembering things pretty vividly or were there times when you were talking to siblings like “Okay, wait, I don’t remember exactly what happened here. Can you walk me through this?”

 

AJ: When I knew this was something I wanted to do, when I was writing the skeleton for this, I took a trip to visit my family and was like “Let’s go over some of this stuff. Is there anything I’m missing? That helped to put my head back in that space but there were some things that were so vivid and mostly the hard stuff, they were just a short trip away in my memory and so vivid in fact, it would make me cry while I was writing. It was rough to relive it in my head and think about it but also put it on the page and know that other people were going to know that this happened. It was pretty rough. But in a weird way, once it was out there and on the page and sent to my editor, it was like “okay, it’s out of my system. I feel like I healed from it.”

 

IGN: Let me ask about that because you get very candid in the book. You talk about yourself, you talk about your struggles with bipolar, your discovery process along the way, and issues inside your family. Did you know from the start that the approach of some of this book was going to be not holding back? Or was there a part of you that thought you should dance around some of these things?

 

AJ: Oh yeah. There were so many incarnations of this book from when it was first conceived. In a realistic way, when it was just me and the company, it was going to be a wrestling focused memoir and then I realized that I had so many more stories that were personal and could help people and not just be self serving like “Look at my cool career.” I felt like it was more important to say “look at all the sh**y mistakes I made and I still turned out okay for the most part.” I thought that I could maybe help somebody. There’s been so many different versions of this where I just kept putting a little more in and a little more in. There was a version where I didn’t talk about being bipolar. There was a version where I didn’t talk about my suicide attempt or anything about my mother. You have to keep getting braver and braver and realizing that it’s not about you. It’s about if I were to be gone from this earth tomorrow, how could my life have helped somebody else? What was my purpose? So that’s when I realized I just needed to put it all out there. I don’t share on social media. I’m not taking selfies and photos of my breakfast and stuff like that, but I’m really an open book for this literal book.

 

IGN: You knew you had a core fabase who really related to you. You talk in the book about wanting to be a character in wrestling that people could connect with that they might not have had before. Even just putting out that blog before the book came out where you revealed you’re bipolar, is it amazing for you to see the positive fan reaction to that?

 

AJ: The really cool thing is I call it my superpower because I think there are other level abilities that come with having something… Some people might think it’s an illness but sometimes it does feel like an extra ability. I think when it’s a part of you, you can see it in other people. I think the fans saw it through the television. And I would see them outside the stands and they’d confide in me about their anxiety, about cutting themselves, about their suicide attempt, and [how] seeing my character on TV made them feel less alone. As that happened more and more, I realized it was my responsibility to embrace that and be open to them and let them know that they weren’t wrong and they were seeing something that was very similar in me. They could see right through to my soul. So to connect with fans and be even more open was very important to me. Even the fans, I can remember their faces at the signings. I want them to know that we’re similar in that way.

 

Continue on for more from AJ.

 

IGN: You tell some of these stories about your childhood and you guys moving place to place. There was one story about getting kicked out of an apartment and I believe you slept in a laundry room. It’s amazing to think you went from that to appearing in front of sold out, screaming arenas of fans. Of course it was not overnight at all, and you talk about that. But to go from one extreme to the other, was it strange to look back and realize how far you’d come?

 

AJ: I say this a lot to my family and my friends: You never stop being the little poor girl from New Jersey. That never leaves you. When we would have shows in New Jersey or New York… I think there was a Mania in New Jersey where I was the only woman in the whole Mania. And to think that I was on the streets, in a motel, or in a Monte Carlo driving around, and a decade later, there’s a giant poster of me on a lamppost on the street… It doesn’t ever feel normal. It doesn’t feel real. You always have a little bit of a complex. And you hope to. I think that’s a good thing because otherwise you turn into a douchebag.

 

IGN: I was hoping you’d say douchebag by the way, since we’ve talked in the past about your use of that word.

 

AJ: That’s my favorite curse word.

 

IGN: [Laughs] It wasn’t going to feel like a real interview with you if you didn’t say it. You were living this heightened life with the WWE and going city to city, in front of these crowds. When you stop doing that, as much as the rest and relaxation must have been amazing, is it a strange thing to transition out of that life and the adrenaline of it, and going back to a normal pace? Did that take some getting used to?

 

AJ: Oh yeah, that’s the perfect way to put it. It’s a bit of an adrenaline crash. But I would experience that every week. On a Tuesday, you do five days of shows and then all of a sudden you’re in a hotel room by yourself and it crashes down on you. So to retire and be able to do whatever you want in the whole world is so overwhelming. You’re used to everything being really structured and having to be places and having to be on the run all the time for close to a decade. It was weird. It was definitely an adjustment. I think the first thing I did was go to Target and buy every cereal and candy I could think of, because I was on such a strict diet. I hadn’t had cereal in years. I was doing backflips in the isle. There was a fun part. But then there was a part like, “I don’t have to get on a plane this week. It’s strange.” But that’s why I kind of threw myself into the book and now that that’s done and we’re about to do the tour and everything I’m like, “Oh my god, now I need to write another one!”

 

IGN: You were coming into WWE in that post-Attitude, model-esque era and obviously not every woman fell under that description, but it felt like there was an overall type they were going for. Your success showed how popular someone could be that was outside that mold. For you now, outside the industry, is it gratifying to see how things have gone? You made a speech at your final Slammys where you name-dropped Bayley, Charlotte, Sasha - women who have since all risen up, as they transitioned out of the “Divas” era.

 

AJ: Oh yeah. All you could ever want is to leave a place better than when you found it and to know that there’s good people that have this industry in their heart and that they’re succeeding in it and that they’re happy is all you could ever after. I do love Bayley and have such a special place in my heart for her and Paige. I hope that they’re happy and killing it. It makes you feel like “mission complete,” you know?

 

IGN: With wrestling, there’s so many things you have to do to be a part of it. There’s the physical part and the conditioning and learning the moves. But then there’s the performance and the character work. Did that come naturally for you or was it tricky to also essentially become an actress?

 

AJ:I got thrown into the deep end and I’m really grateful for that. It helped to be kind of naive. It was good to be thrown into the deep end and not know how to swim and figure it out. I was so fortunate with the storylines and everything I got, and so much screen time and so many big names attached to those storylines. I learned from really good people and I learned on the job, on live TV. To me, there’s no preparing for that. You just have to do it on the fly as it happens. That to me was always the most interesting. That was the most exciting, was that feeling of performing in front of an arena full of people and capturing their attention with your words and your mind. That was probably the coolest part for me.

 

Continue on for more from AJ.

 

IGN: I remember speaking to you while you were still with WWE – and I feel like it was a couple years before you left – but you mentioned even then you felt pretty fulfilled by everything you’d accomplished at that point and that you’d kind of felt like you’d gone through the checklist of everything you wanted to do. Of course there’s fans who would want to see you do more, but whether it be seeing your action figure, or making it into a video game, or on poster, or a certain match, was there a moment that helped you hit that “mission accomplished” feeling?

 

AJ: Yeah, and it’s strange because I think normally when people aren’t in the business anymore it’s either a dramatic thing or they get fired. It’s very rarely just a very calm, peaceful “Mission accomplished… Everything has been checked off the list and I don’t have anything left to prove or any goal left to reach.“ It feels so complete and accomplished but I think that’s slightly unsettling for a lot of people. When you don’t have anything to fight for or be angry about it’s strange. I kind of mention it in the book, but it was that Mania where it was ten years to do the day of me being at WrestleMania 20 in the nosebleed section, promising my dad I’d be in the ring. And then WrestleMania 30 I’m in the ring and I’m holding the title and I beat the entire women’s roster. It was kind of this, “Okay, I’m done. My war is over.” Then I stuck around for a while. Everything after that felt like frosting on the cake. But there’s a little bit of a serenity that comes with completing all of your missions you set out for in life. Then you say “Okay, I have to create more dreams and reach for more stuff.” And that’s terrifying and exciting.

 

IGN: You got to do a lot and show many iterations of what AJ Lee was up to, from being the Divas champ to the Daniel Bryan wedding that wasn’t. Was there a favorite time for you on the storyline level that was super fun or connected with the fans in a particularly strong way?

 

AJ: I’d probably say when me and Kaitlyn got to have our run together. The decision-makers weren’t really paying attention so we were getting away with so much stuff and our writers were just letting us have free reign and it all got positive reaction and ratings with the fans. And then our superiors took notice and it felt very much like creating your own destiny and working with your best friend in the process. It’s so much fun to be the bad guy. So that feels like the pinnacle of my bad guy reign. I enjoyed being the jerk.

 

IGN: You told me once there’s nothing as fun as hitting your best friend in the face.

 

AJ: That’s very true! She would take it like a champ. Her and I have been through so much and there was a point where it was her birthday and I gave her a concussion and it was like “Of course I would do that to you.” Because I don’t know how to treat anything seriously, I texted her that night, “Do you like your present? I wrapped it myself.” I felt so awful.

 

IGN: I think I’ve told you before but I had a big affinity for you, Dolph and Big E’s time together. I feel like that’s an underrated trio. They’d given you a couple different failed romance storylines, but here, you didn’t have to play the love struck or vengeful thing, just be a happy, evil couple with Dolph, and the three of you had a cool chemistry. Was it a funny thing when the three of you were put together, trying to figure out how to make it work?

 

AJ: Definitely. There were so many iterations that were planned and it ended up being something of our own creation. I always refer to Big E as my child. I don’t know how that started, but I think it started with me saying I brought him into the wrestling world and I could take him out. I think it went into me saying I had birthed him. To this day he calls me mama. That was fun. I think it was supposed to be a Mickey and Mallory thing [with Dolph] and it turned into this ridiculous family. It was fun to not be the little kid with the unrequited love. Like how much of a loser do I have to be all the time? It was fun to be the bad guy for the first time and really embrace that. I never thought that was something I’d be able to pull off legitimately.

 

IGN: You mentioned wanting to write another book. Do you have a direction in mind?

 

AJ:I am working on a second book. There’s so much I had to cut from this book because I wanted it to have a certain tone and keep it streamlined. There were so many things I had to cut out that I wanted to hold on to. There will definitely be a second one. And there are some other fun writing projects I’m working on. I really fell in love with it. It was something I didn’t think I could pull off but once I did it, it was the hardest thing on earth I’ve ever done and I had to do this again.

 

IGN: So this second book would be more stories from your life then?

 

AJ: You’ll have to wait and see! [Laughs] …But yes, it will be.

 

IGN: To be continued! I realize whenever I would talk to you in the past I would ask what comic books and video games you were into at the time, so I have to continue that tradition as we wrap up here.

 

AJ: Have we discussed Saga and how great it is? It is so amazing. It’s one of the best creations of an entire world I’ve ever seen. I’m in love with Saga and in love with Bitch Planet. They’ve only had a few issues but it just blew me away. It’s from Kelly Sue Deconnick and it’s basically Orange is the New Black, but in Space. That one’s really great. Rachel Rising I haven’t read in a little bit, I’m like one trade behind. Then through this process, I got to know Rob Guillory, and have fallen in love with Chew, so Chew is blowing my mind. He just wrapped that up, so it’s a little sad to know that it’s over, but at least now I can binge read it. That’s pretty much it. I think I spent a year playing The Witcher and all the DLCs, but I haven’t had much time to sit and play a game. I feel less of myself not having that connection with my systems. Oh, but I did get the mini-NES!